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Just when you think your safe…

Today has reminded me that as a recovering Alcoholic/Addict you can never trully be safe. I won’t go into detail but this morning I was somewhere that I felt very safe. Someone else there decided that they would smoke a joint, non of my business really. They didn’t smoke it in front of me and the place where I was had never been a “Dry” place as such. The smell of burning Skunk bought back some bad memories for me and in general just put me in a bad space. I hate the smell of the stuff at the best of times, but just the smell was enough to put me into a bit of a head spin. My partner Tania noticed my mood change straight away (I believe its called Women’s Intuition!!) We were off to meet Jake in the city so it should have been a good day for both of us. Tania mentioned that I should just try and forget about it, and yes I wanted to…but I couldn’t.

When we got to the city, I decided that I had had enough of being in this head space, and I could see that it was rubbing off on my beloved. Here we where waiting to meet Jake and I was letting these feelings get in the way (Living rent free in my head….if you will) So I did the only thing that I knew to do in a situation like this….act the idiot (With the help of Tania). Soon I found my mood lifting and I began to concentrate on the important things …Tania and Jake.

There isn’t really a massive point to be made by this post other than, why the smell of Skunk? Why did that smell affect me so badly and yet the smell of Alcohol (My Primary Drug of Choice) does not really bother me. I had smelt Skunk being smoked before while in recovery and it had never bothered me. Maybe it was the combination of a place that I felt safe, and it being polluted by a smell that reminds me of the bad old days on the street…where I was never safe. Well its had enough head space for one day, I’m off to enjoy my day, the weather is crap but it doesn’t matter, I’m in the company of Tania and Jake and I feel safe with them!!

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