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It Hurts Because I Care?

A couple of things happened today that made me think about myself and my feelings towards, especially people that I care about. My partner Tania and myself decided to take a trip to the local shops this afternoon, we didn’t really need to go to the shops we just both thought it would be nice to walk down with Jake (Her Son) and pick up the local rag. (We are in the market for a Kitten at the moment).

On the way to the shop Tania and I where messing around (as usual) and she went to blow out my lighter as I lit a cigarette (This is like a long standing joke between the two of us) Tania slipped on a dodgy kerb (Thanks Norwich Council, I knew we paid tax for something) she landed quite badly, but being my ‘Well Ard’ little Princess she just got up and shrugged it off. I, on the other hand seemed to be a bit more affected by it. I could really feel my heart sink, I could see Tania going in slow motion and in my head I as just screaming No No NO!! I can still see her now, laying on the floor with a look of shock on her face, I found it really difficult dealing with seeing her like that, someone I respected and loved dearly hurt that way, it just seemed so undignified. Then came the anger, I felt angry towards the council and then angry at the great unseen force that seems to rule our lives, I remember thinking “Hasn’t she been through enough!!…just leave her alone”

Ok, so some of you might be thinking “so what!..I feel that everyday” and I would say fair enough, except that you have to realise that this sort of level of emotion is new to me. When I was drinking and drugging the only person I felt for was me. As the saying goes…poor me poor me…pour me another drink. It’s a new one on me but I guess it hurts because I care.


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