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Self Pity and Anger…closer than I thought?

As I sit here writing this post I am at the end of yet another day in shared accommodation. Followers of Myself and Tania’s life will know that baby Jenson is now imminent and (not for want of trying) we are still both stuck in shared accommodation. We also want Jake to be able to come live with us, as he (like Jenson) is a part of my family.

If I rewind our lives by about six months I think it would be fair to say that shared accommodation suited us. It may have even helped us in our individual recoveries. Getting involved with the highs and lows of other peoples lives was good, it helped us explore our own.

Now there is not a day goes by that I just wish we where alone as a family. I am fed up with hearing about other peoples drug using and boyfriend problems, and clearing up after other peoples mess…not to mention funding the key meter when someone has used there money to score drugs. Taking the youngest member of the house down to the shops to porn a stereo so that we can put electricity on the key, because others needed a fix is not my idea of fun.

Maybe its just me but I think it would be fair to say that Tania is getting fed up with it all as well. We have outgrown this type of environment and we both have (finally) learned that we don’t wear our red underpants over our jeans (superman/woman) and that we can’t save the bloody world.

So where does the anger come into it? Well to be honest I just feel resigned to this life, its like there is nothing I can do to help my family progress. I don’t have a job yet, and I just keep filling my time looking for ways to “do the right thing for my family”. I can’t even enjoy buying nice things for us anymore as I know we will have to hide it, otherwise it will just be nicked to provide someone with thier next fix…and that is where the anger comes in…its anger towards our situation…anger at the thought of being powerless…and anger at myself for letting us get into this mess.

I know that it will come good in the end, I just see this as another part of recovery…I just have to let it out every now and again…before it gets too much….

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