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Thinking about my addiction

Anyone who knows me will know that I have managed a great deal since moving to Norfolk. Things are far from perfect at the moment, but as my partner often reminds me I need to focus on what I have rather than what I would like.

Recovery from any addiction is a difficult path. It took me years and many attempts. It is worth it now though. To be honest its very easy for me to sit here and preach to anyone new in recovery that “Its worth it” as the memory of the pain that I endured on the streets and at the mouth of a bottle seem to fade into insignificance compared with the here and now.

I have a loving partner and two fantastic son’s, the wants and needs of the family for both myself and Tania often take priority to our needs as recovering Alcoholics. We have reached an “unwritten” understanding about each others wants and needs in recovery, when we do find time we often talk about other things. I guess it worries me that we are both so caught up in being good parents and to making a home for our children that we both forget just what we have both managed.

If I where to rewind time by just two years you would find both of us in a very bad state, Tania in Norfolk and me on the streets of Crawley; stealing alcohol to feed my addiction and bury my shame.

I will happily admit that I often have no control over my head. This may seem strange coming from someone who is sober now, but it’s the truth. You can beat the alcohol and do a geographical…but you can’t run away from your own head. The drinking thoughts are still there and I have to manage them one at a time. For me it is a simple process of  “Pro’s and Con’s”, for others it will be different.

I used to see my drinking thoughts as an enemy, something to be ashamed of …now I see them as an unwitting friend, they keep me sharp to the perils of my own destructive thinking…and they keep my family safe from my own destructive actions.

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One Response

  1. Hello Ade mate. God it sounds like youve been through hell and back many times with drink. Im very glad and imensley proud of you to have beaten the demon at last.
    Ive recently had to fight my own battle with canabis coz i ended up being hospitalised with pneumonia caused by smoking it far to much for far to many years, I can completely empathise with your daily strugle etc.
    Ive got loads of pics of my kids on my facebook if you look. Tia (my oldest) isnt mine, i took her on when i met Michelle and she was 11 months old, but the other 2 are home made by me, lol.
    I gota say im a bit disgusted that Eliot hasnt seen your son Jenson at all and your mum seems to be playing mind games, i thought they would have been full of supprt for you and Tania considering what you have achieved. By the way, is he called Jenson coz he`s cute as a “button” ? get it, Jenson Button, lol !!
    Anywho, Email me at the above add so we can chat a bit more.
    Kindest regards to you, Jake, Jenson and Tania,
    Tim.

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