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Onwards and Upwards….and Tory idiots!!

Well here I am, I have just had the best birthday that I can remember. I am now 36 going on 16 and the (very) proud father of two wonderful lads. I have the best companion, wife, lover that I could ever ask for….infact (and strictly between you and me) I don’t think I deserve her. But then all us addicts think like that….don’t we?

Life for myself and Tania has never been easy. Don’t get me wrong we have had our good times, and the memories that we have picked up along the way have been incredible and there will be a million more to look forward to. Both myself and Tania have been talking a lot recently about relapse (or the fear of it) we don’t shy away from talking about such subjects, relapse or lapse is not a dirty word in this household. In fact I would go as far as to say that we even have some basic contingency plans in place should the worse happen.

I can still remember the last time that I lapsed, it was just after I had discovered that Tania was pregnant with Jenson. I have had plenty of time to analyse and forensically examine why I took a nosedive into a bottle. It all boiled down to self-doubt with me. This inherent self-doubt (at the time) was being lovingly nurtured by my own mother and as with all things, if you are told that you won’t be able to do something so many times, you begin to believe it yourself.

Well for the doubters out there (and I include myself in that group)….you where wrong!! I think I am a pretty good father and a good husband. I work hard and I love sober life, not that I am trying to justify myself…I really don’t feel the need to justify myself to anyone….apart from myself and wife and children anyway.

I went fishing with a good mate the other day, we decided to jump in his car and head over to Hellesdon Mill for a couple of hours. When I say mate I should really say Dad, I see Mick as a Father figure in my life. I actually call him Dad as a mark of respect (maybe it’s a South London thing!!). We had decided to have a short break and a natter over a shard cup of Mick’s finest black coffee. I could see a man approaching with what looked like a spaniel dog. I quickly glanced around to make sure there was no line or bait lying around should the dog pay our gear any more than a glancing interest. I smiled at the man as he approached “Cold isn’t it” He said “You two would be better off in the warm looking for jobs I think” one glance at Mick and I could literally see his face turn red with rage from his chin to his forehead, he was glowing like a red stop light on a wet night “I have a perfectly good job THANK YOU” I retorted through gritted teeth.

It wasn’t what he said that hurt me, it was the fact that he felt the need to say it. He knows nothing about my personal situation and yet he decides to judge me. Granted it was Thursday afternoon and not a weekend but some of us do take time out from work you know. It was the fact that he saw two guys next to a river on a Thursday afternoon, they must be up to no good? better tell them to get a job….what a prat. I know that I should not use stereo types, but seeing how he stereo typed myself and my dad I am going to…this guy had a mustache and a Barbour jacket along with a spaniel, he’s idea of sport was probably taking a shotgun out and killing half the countryside….he really dressed the part everything about him described what is wrong with this country right here right now….he looked like and behaved like a bigoted, nasty, tory fuck up who for some reason had decided to appoint himself “critic of society”.

Anyway bringing the stereotyping to and end, neither myself or dad let this spoil a nice bit of time spent together. We exchanged views on which of his orifices’ we would stuff his spaniel into while laughing on our way back to the car!!

Be safe, be cool…..and goodnight Britain….wherever you are…….

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